Archives for the month of: February, 2013

Barça return to league action tomorrow night with the visit of Sevilla to Camp Nou (kick off 10 pm). After the horrible defeat at Milan in the Champions League on Wednesday it is good to have another game so quickly to think about something else. With the return Copa del Rey semi-final with Real Madrid coming up on Tuesday it seems very likely that there will be quite a few changes to the team that lost in Milan.Our twelve-point advantage in La Liga over second placed Atlético Madrid should allow us to give total priority to the cup clásico. Personally I’d make ten changes, with the intention of having everybody fresh for Tuesday, leaving only Valdés from last Wednesday’s team. But team selection will depend on each player’s physical condition. Jordi Roura today explained that although he has medical clearance Eric Abidal will not play immediately, saying: ‘We have to see how he evolves physically and when he has the tone for competition.’ Adriano is still doubtful and it might be more prudent not to rush him given his record with muscular injuries, but David Villa has trained with the team over the last two days and should be ready to return to the starting line-up.

via Preview: FC Barcelona vs Sevilla (game 25 liga 2012/13).

via Preview: FC Barcelona vs Sevilla (game 25 liga 2012/13).

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People….. I am all for love. I think it’s awesome if you find it with someone or several someones or whatever it’s like for you. I’ve got no issue with that. The world could use a little more love and tolerance. What I do take issue with is a day that is for many filled with pressure to reach unattainable expectations.

Not everyone can afford gifts for the person(s) they love – but advertising tells us we must because that is how we prove our love and the bigger the gift, the more we must love. It creates unreasonable expectations of romantic expressions that quite frankly, you may not feel much like for whatever reason on that particular day.

It means that SOME single people often feel left out, somehow less valued because they don’t have someone to shower romantic love upon or be showered with it. It is a day followed by a day in which couples breakup in droves for often trivial reasons. People previously faithful explore or break the sanctity of their bonds with their spouse/partner because Valentine’s Day just didn’t live up to their expectations. Suicides…. love help us…. it’s a fucking tragedy.

So this is why I say fuck Valentine’s day! I don’t need this manufactured arbitrary day to tell the people I love that I love them. I do that already anyway. I don’t need this day to send flowers or a random gift just because I appreciate someone in my life. I feel sorry for anyone that does need an impetus like this to remember to or feel okay telling others they love them.

I’m not knocking anyone that enjoys the day. If it’s what works for you – awesome! But please, please, don’t look down on those of us who take no pleasure in realizing how much pain is incorporated into this day for far too many people.

The abuse of Xanax among teens is a problem rapidly growing out of control. Xanax is a benzodiazapine primarily used for treating anxiety disorders. While when used properly it is highly effective it can become habit forming. When abused the effects are far more gruesome and take a tremendous toll on the mind and body, especially those which are still growing.

Xanax produces a tipsy type of effect in many users which is not much unlike what one might expect after having a few drinks. As such it lowers the users level of anxiety and in proper the proper dose allows the person to function at a reasonably normal level. Xanax is also used as a rescue medication for persons suffering from panic attacks. In a low dose immediate delivery at an attacks onset has a bit of a “magic bullet” effect nullifying much of the effects of the attack. With such broad uses and it’s consideration as a fairly harmless drug under FDA classification it is widely available.

The wide availability of Xanax makes it what we call a medicine cabinet drug in that for most teens it isn’t something they have to search for on the street but rather something many can easily find at home. This fairly ready availability combined with the combination of effects it can deliver ranging from easing tension to providing a feeling of inebriation of sorts makes this incredibly attractive to teens. it is so attractive in fact that as of 2000 the abuse of Xanax by teens was outweighing abuse by adults.

The next problem is Xanax along with it’s generic counterparts are easily obtainable on-line. For a teen with little more than a debit card and an address there are some pharmacies that will issue a “prescription” and fill that so long as the payment clears. This is a problem with most prescription medications not just Xanax. The Regulating agencies often have trouble keeping up with those operating illegitimately and when one closes another seemingly opens. Even though the person placing the fraudulent order faces legal penalties if caught this usually fails to scare a teen who wants drugs.

The trickle down effect of this is that it becomes available on the street at a low enough price a single dose is often cheaper than a bus fare. As such this is easily obtainable for even the youngest of teens, especially when compared to street drugs sold by quantity or that have to be illegally manufactured. With this incredible supply of Xanax available through so many venues at prices low enough for any teen to afford the problem is getting worse every year with no relief in sight.

Two of the building blocks that must be present in any good marriage are honesty and trust. If you aren’t honest, eventually it is going to come back to bite you on the rear and when that happens the element of trust goes out the window with it. Being honest and having trust though doesn’t just relate to how you interact with your spouse, it is first and foremost a thing of self. As the saying goes if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.

That last statement may sound odd, but the truth since we are on that topic, is that if you aren’t caring for yourself by being honest with yourself you cannot be honest with your spouse or care for them properly. If you are not being honest with yourself there will come a time you no longer trust yourself. You will question your judgment, motivations, emotions, and basically everything that runs through your mind. You find yourself asking the question “do I really feel this way, or am I feeling this way because it is how I think I’m supposed to feel?” If you can’t be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?

As this issue becomes increasingly difficult to deal with for the individual, it begins creeping into their other relationships, none of which is more prominent than their spouse. The person failing to explore and come to grips with their inner feelings will often find they are asking them self a variety of questions like “when did we begin drifting apart?” or “when did things change so much?” The simple fact that a person has to ask them self such things is a sure sign they have issues within them self they have been avoiding. This is when it is ground zero in terms of getting in touch with ones inner feelings.

It is isn’t always an easy thing to do and it often requires professional help, which is recommended, but these feelings can be sorted out and honestly dealt with. It is human nature that we want to put a positive spin on things and only see the good and put the bad off to be dealt with later if ever. By making the choice to deal with these inner feelings the first step to saving a marriage has been taken because you are being honest with yourself that there is a problem you have to deal with. This first step is the hardest, but that in no way means the rest of the ride is smooth sailing.

Identifying your emotions specifically is the second step. This is far from easy which is way a professional therapist is invaluable in the process. We as humans tend to answer our own questions in the most convenient manner possible. While it feels good to do so and is easy it isn’t always correct. A therapist is able to objectively step in and question us further to see if a person is truly being honest. If it is determined they are not, they can then begin a series of exploratory questions to probe deeper and find the truth. One by one a persons inner feelings can be identified an dealt with in this manner until a full clear picture presents itself.

During this process the marriage begins healing itself because each partner is able to begin discussing the progress being made in an open and honest manner. Rather than keeping emotions inside and unresolved they are accessible and can processed as a couple. This demonstrates a heightened level of trust and shows that there is enough love and desire to save the marriage to do something most people would rather not ever deal with.

It is true that this does not save a marriage in all cases, sometimes even the best efforts fail to work. Even in those cases going through the process is of great benefit. Each person has had the opportunity to learn about themselves and what the want an need. It has been jointly determined in most of these cases that the marriage is not salvageable, but that it can be dissolved amicably. It further allows better odds for each person to move on to a new healthy relationship. More often than not though exploring ones inner feelings, especially with a therapist which is the best avenue and cannot be stressed enough, there is a very good chance a marriage can be saved and move from stagnation to a thriving relationship again.

Hate crimes are an all to regular occurrence not just in the United States but around the world. A hate crime as defined is not just a physical attack, but can take place as mental or emotional abuse, the denial of rights, or as speech which is rooted in a bias created by the perceived differences of a person. Everyday at least three gays are the victims of a hate crime in the United States alone. Hate crimes are the truest form of crimes committed in ignorance.

Just to establish a few facts about hate crimes in the gay community before discussing how to fight them, the fact is that in 2005 the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation) had labeled just over fourteen percent of all hate crimes in the U.S. as attacks motivated by sexual orientation. This fell in just behind crimes based on race and religion. Some believe crimes based on sexual orientation may actually exceed those based on religion due to misclassification and the reluctance of many gay victims to report hate crimes against them. Furthermore nine murders under FBI jurisdiction alone were attributed to sexual orientation in that same year. According to statistics from TYFA (Transgender Youth Family Association) one transgender person has been murdered in the U.S. every month since the spring of 1996 when tracking of violence against this segment of the LGBT began. I include this because to a large portion of society the transgender community is one and the same as the gay community. Also worth noting is that a higher portion of hate crimes based on sexual orientation are against gay men than lesbians. It is quite evident that hate crimes are a problem that needs a proactive solution.

When people hear the words “fighting” or “combating” thoughts of a physical battle often are the first that come to mind. In the case of combating hate crimes however fighting fire with fire is not the solution. Hate crimes are crimes of ignorance. Therefore the best way to fight hate crimes is through education and legislation. The two work hand in hand. Only through improvements and expansion of existing initiatives and the prosecution of perpetrators of hate crimes under the existing laws can we begin to end the cycle of hate. It is the responsibility of everyone to get involved, not just legislators and victims. Even within the gay community there is more that needs to be done. We have to be willing to stand up an talk about this issue, make it more visible, and make it plainly clear we are not going to tolerate hate crimes nor be silent when they occur to not just one of our own but anybody.

There have been organizations in the U.S. for decades with the sole purpose of defending the disenfranchised, and the gay community has their share. Since 1982 the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force has fought a long hard battle to see legislation concerning hate crimes not only makes it’s way to the floor, but fights to ensure it is regarded seriously. In 2007 they they focused much of their energy on seeing that the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, also known as The Matthew Shepard Act, make it’s way through the House of Representatives. Organizations like Gay Rights Watch also dig into the issue of hate crime by trying to provide viable solutions to ending it, and then delivering that message through the media outlets.

Fortunately good and true information about members of the gay community is seeing the light of day. Odd as it may seem television and movies are playing a major role to revamping the way a generation views the gay and lesbian community. Positive out of the closet role models in the entertainment field are on the television screens in millions of households everyday helping break the myth that gays are deviant, mentally ill, predatory, or any number of false images associated to gays for countless generations. Movies and television series are now featuring more and more gay characters in positive roles which further reinforce that gays are regular people in all regards, with no differences from the straight community aside from the fact they are attracted to members of the same sex. Viacom launched a PSA (Public Service Announcement) on April the third of 2008 featuring Ellen DeGeneres to speak out against hate crimes against the gay and lesbian community, and Elton John has done numerous announcements of the same ilk. This increased positive exposure helps display who the gay and straight community are more alike than different and therefore helps fight crimes as it helps lessen the homophobia of some people.

Along with growing positive press for the gay community, the birth of organizations by school aged children such as Gay Straight Alliances (GSA) have been making huge strides towards integrating two previously diverse groups into one, and promoting better understanding and education about each other. Why organizations like this provide so much hope in the fight against gay hate crimes is that it is more likely a person that learns tolerance and acceptance of the diversity within people at a young age will have those same values carry over to their adult life and passed on to their children. Another positive aspect is that the more people there are that know the facts, the more people there are to stand against those whom may commit a hate crime making them less likely.

The general mantra of GSA’s, or at least the one at my daughters school, in concerns to hate crimes is to act, unite, speak up, and support each other. What acting means is to be proactive in letting people know hate crimes will not be tolerated. Through unity hate crimes may be averted and and it supports the principle of “United we stand” and power in numbers. When a hate crime occurs, or is even suspected of being possible speak up and let someone in a position of authority know what happened so it can be stopped or prosecuted and the victim gets the help they need. Support quite simply means we must all support each other through good and bad regardless of our differences. While I have seen charters in my research that are far more lengthy and comprehensive I like this one as it keeps it simple. The great thing is that this was a charter designed by young teens which in my mind points to the possibility of better days on the horizon.

Another important factor to combating hate crimes against gays is effective and decisive enforcement of the existing laws. Hate crimes are a federal offense which can carry up to a seven year sentence to be served in a federal penitentiary. Although the law concerning this is plainly laid out it is often not enforced or or even brought up as a charge. In the case of the murder of Edward “Gwen” Arajuo, it was clearly defined that her murder was motivated by her sexual and gender identity, however a jury decided it was just a situation that “Got out of hand.” With better education such ambivalent situations would be less likely, and prosecutors would be more willing to levy hate crimes charges as they would see that juries are in fact understanding and willing to vote in favor of such sentences.

All these organizations are important because there are always going to be people that for whatever reason are predisposed to hate. What is especially frightening are the number of organizations not only speaking out against gay and lesbian people but advocating some truly reprehensible, even criminal steps be taken to “Remove” members of the LGBT to use a gentle phrase. Organizations like the Westboro Baptist Church headed by Fred Phelps, Americans For Truth, and the Family Research Institute are just a few of the anti-gay hate groups in operation in the U.S. today. While we all need to do our share as individuals to combat and minimize hate crime in our local community, it is by banding together and supporting large groups that we can fight against hate organizations, apply political pressure, and educate as many people as possible that it is okay to be gay, and that it is our differences that make the world a wonderful place.

http://www.gay.com/news/roundups/package.html? sernum=461
http://www.splcenter.org/intel/map/type.js p?DT=26
http://www.thetaskforce.org/issues/hate_crime s_main_page/2007_legislation
http://www.aglbical.org/ 2HATE%20CRIMES.htm

Bayard Rustin was born on March 17, 1912, in West Chester Pennsylvania. He led a life that early on had him pegged as a rising academic who was noted for his keen mind and sometimes unpopular thinking. Actually his thinking was only truly unpopular to the scattered racists and bigots which he was forced to deal with on a daily basis. As such, Bayard often began censoring his words but not his thoughts. Unfortunately in that era many people felt that a man of color, no matter how bright he may be, was to be seen and not heard. Bayard rose above it all and vigorously began pursuing his dreams which led his to play a pivotal role in American history.

Bayard was raised by his maternal grandparents, his grandmother was a Quaker, which played a tremendous role in the way he viewed the world and his place in it. His grandfather was affiliated to the A.M.E. Church, but what really led to young Bayard seeing he could make difference in the world wasn’t the strong religious background he came from, but his grandmothers membership in the NAACP. Julia, his grandmother, was what would be called a “behind the scenes player” these days and regularly hosted James Weldon Johnson and W.E.B. DuBois at their home for meals and discussions. It was these men along with his grandparents that molded Bayard. Though they never encouraged him to be proactive, but rather make his own decisions and follow them, he often chose the same path as his elders. He was most noted for his campaigning against Jim Crow Laws as a youth.

Eventually Bayard went on to attend Wilberforce University but dropped out before taking his final exams needed for graduation in 1936. He moved on to Cheney State Teachers College where he began taking courses in activism offered by the American Friends Service Committee. He moved to Harlem a year later and began taking more courses at City College of New York. In this two year period he became involved in three things that would change his life: He joined the Young Communist league, the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers), and he became very vocal in the campaign to free the Scottsboro Boys who were nine young black men wrongfully accused of raping two white women.

Not much changed for Rustin until 1941 when he became disillusioned with the Communist Party. What initially drew Bayard to that organization was their support for civil rights, however when Stalin ordered American Communist party members to discontinue work on that issue and focus it instead on getting the U.S. into WWII, Bayard had enough. He quickly changed allegiance and began working with and supporting anti-communist socialists. Bayard was one of the three organizers that planned to march on Washington to protest racial discrimination in the armed forces, but Roosevelt made the change on his own before the march ever took place. With that plan scrapped, he instead went to California and helped organize protests against the internment of Japanese-Americans in segregated camps under the guise of national security.

In 1942 Bayard along with three other activist formed CORE (Congress of Racial Equality) which was conceived as a pacifist organization based on the teachings of Mohandas Gandhi and Henry David Thoreau. Being a leader of CORE which was a pacifist organization meant that Bayard was arrested for violating the Selective Service Act and sent to Lewisburg Federal Penitentiary from 1944-1946. He didn’t roll over during that time and do nothing, he instead organized protests against segregated dining facilities and the British Rule of India. After that Rustin was regularly arrested for protests and all too often manufactured charges which usually didn’t stick, but did serve to harass him.

All of this was just the precursor to his greater works regarding civil rights. He along with George Houser organized the first Freedom Ride (The Journey of Reconciliation) which was designed to test the ban on racial discrimination in interstate travel. This was opposed by the NAACP as well as most of the big name civil rights organizations as being too antagonistic and improperly timed, but they did so anyway. During the trip they were arrested several times including, on of which led to a 22 day stint on a North Carolina chain gang. What he did wasn’t popular, but his seven arrests proved the law was being ignored and led to the major organizations pressing the issue with the government through grassroots movements.

The next 5 years were different for Rustin as he became heavily involved with African Civil Rights Leaders and began spending more time in California. Bayard was still being arrested regularly, one of which exposed his secret. Bayard Rustin was gay. He served a 60 day sentence in California on a charge of “sex Perversion” which was plead down from sodomy. He refused to be ashamed of his sexuality which led to being fired from FOR “Fellowship of Reconciliation) of which he had been a member since 1941, and was then often kept on the sidelines as many other organizations weren’t sure he was the proper image they wanted to portray. Still he quickly landed a new job with the War Resisters league. While with WAR he published “Speak Truth To Power: A Quaker Search for an Alternative to Violence” which is regarded as one of the best pacifist essays ever produced in America. At his request, his name was kept off the document for fear it may be disregarded or hurt the credibility of WAR duet to his known homosexuality. While he took no shame in being gay, he also realized it would color the way people read his words, and may disregard them as the “words of a homo.”

In 1956 he Left WAR to become and adviser to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on Ghandian tactics of pacifist resistance. While he was initially supposed to only help with the Montgomery Bus Boycott, he stayed on to help form the Southern Christian Leadership Conference with Dr. King in 1957. No matter how great a job Rustin did, his homosexuality was held over his neck like an axe. In 1960 Representative Adam Clayton Powell Jr. forced Rustin to resign from the SCLC or have his homosexuality brought up in on the floor of Congress. While Bayard hated it, he complied. As unjust as this was, it got Bayard thing as much about gay rights as African American rights.

Rustin was forced further from the forefront after this until 1963 when he helped organize the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom. S.C. Senator Strom Thurmond began waving about a picture for anyone who cared to look of Bayard talking to Dr. King who was in a bathtub implying that since Bayard was a known homosexual, King must be too in an attempt to smear their names with the public. As such, the NAACP thanked Bayard for his help, told him he would receive no credit for his efforts, and showed him the door. As the decade advanced, Bayard became involved with the Democratic Party and President Lyndon Johnson which landed him out of favor with the Black Power Movement who labeled him a sellout. Rustin began moving away from radical politics and accepted a position on the Board of Trustees at the University of Notre Dame in the early 1970’s.

While Rustin was never terribly vocal about gay rights at the time feeling his days of hands on activism were over, he remained a player behind the scenes, much like his grandmother did when he was a child in her house. he kept his name and face largely out of the press but was always available to share his knowledge of activism with any gay rights leader who sought it. In 1986 he changed his stance on this and began getting vocal again testifying before the New York State Assembly on behalf of the Gay Rights Bill. He stated that the LGBT community had become the civil rights “barometer” in America as they are “the community which is most easily mistreated.”

Sadly he died on August 24 of 1987 just when he was getting started on the gay rights movement in the public eye. His legacy with the LGBT community is secure though as two high schools were named for him, one in his hometown of West Chester PA, and one in Chelsea NY, which is slated to close in 2012. He also has a library and Social Justice Center that bear his name as well as the Bayard Rustin LGBT Coalition (BRC) in San Francisco.

Bayard Rustin is a man that was marginalized and scapegoated all his life. First for being born black, then for being born gay, two things he had no control over. Even when he was pushed aside, hidden, and discredited in the most personal of ways on the floors of Congress, he continued to believe in the country and system and fought peacefully for equality for all people, black white, brown gay, and straight nearly 60 years. While his role in the gay and civil rights movement were often ignored, he is a man whose time has come. he deserves now the credit he should have received while living.

http://www.quakerinfo.com/quak_br.shtml

Anders on, Jervis. Bayard Rustin: Troubles I’ve Seen

D’Emilio, John. Lost Prophet: Bayard Rustin and the Quest for Peace and Justice in America

Haskins, James. Bayard Rustin: Behind the Scenes of the Civil Rights Movement

Fish that eat brown algae aren’t quite as voluminous as one might think, especially in regards to those you can introduce to your fish tank to keep this under control. Brown algae most commonly appears in a tank in the first month before it has stabilized and may disappear just as quickly. Even with proper cleaning, filtering, and low level light brown algae can thrive and out compete the more common green algae. As it would take a full book to detail every brown algae eating fish, or those that can adapt it to their diet, occurring in nature what will be discussed here are those that can be adapted domestically to carry out this task.

For starters if brown algae appears in an established tank it is likely the phosphate and mitrate levels are off and it is in need of a thorough substrate cleaning. Silicates allow brown algae to thrive so a phosphate absorbing resin may be necessary as well as introducing a brown algae eating fish or two into the tank. The problem with introducing some of the most effective brown algae eating fish to a tank is the have trouble acclimating to the tank so several may be needed initially as they sometimes have a short life span.

The most effective brown algae eating fish falling into that category is the otocinclus catfish. For a large tank you’ll need several as maybe only three or four will survive the transition. They clear a tank of brown algae as fast if not faster than any fish you can introduce to the tank. Once they have cleared the initial problem it is unlikely it will ever return so long as they remain in the tank. This is the first and best choice for this task.

Common plec (Hypostomus punctatus, Glyptopericthys multradiatus, and others in the family) are vigorous algae eaters feeding on not just brown algae but green and brush algae as well. That is a huge upside although they do come with a downside. The problem with common plecs is they outgrow tanks fairly easily and as they get larger they wreak havoc on planted tanks. In a very large tank with few plants they are slightly less of a problem, but they then are less effective and necessary than the otocinlus catfish which is more docile.

The Siamese Algae Eater (Crossocheilus siamensis) which is often confused with the flying Fox eats brown, green and brush algae. While it takes on these three types of algae it isn’t as vigorous in it’s efforts and several may be required to keep a tank in check. The Chinese Algae Eater/Sucking Loach (Gyrinoceilus aymonien) will eat algae at a ferocious rate when young but isn’t a good long term solution. As they age they tend to stop eating algae, they grow too large for most tanks, and get aggressive as well which isn’t necessarily what many owners want.

The Bristlenose (Ancistrus) catfish does an excellent job controlling brown algae and grow from four to ten centimeters at the maximum. Peckolita catfish are a bit risky as they can be expensive and not all will eat algae so it is hit or miss with these sometimes. Finally Whiptail catfish can be efficient algae eaters and are a good choice in medium sized tanks although they can also be expensive and require good water quality and care.

That is a quick look at the best brown algae eating fish you can introduce to a home tank along with some of their good and bad traits. You are best advised to go with the Otocinclus catfish for most of your needs concerning brown algae as they have an excellent temperament and do the best job clearing and maintaining tank quality in regards to brown algae. Whatever you chose just be aware of the long term as well as the immediate goal.

Dealing with the problems that arise in a marriage by cutting out the intimate portion out of the relationship is never a good idea and rarely if ever works. Sure it may work in the movies or on television, but everything works out in the allotted time slot when you visit the world of make believe. That is not reality and those are not real relationships. Facing marital problems by stopping intimacy is not only a bad idea, it often only serves to make matters worse.

A healthy physical relationship is one of the cornerstones to any marriage along with love, trust, and communication. They are all necessary to any strong foundation. Assuming the problem you are dealing with is not sexual in nature it makes no sense to end it. A doctor is not going to remove a healthy lung to treat broken leg which is akin to what you are doing when you cease physical intimacy because you are perhaps experiencing a communication problem or some other issue. If anything, a good healthy physical relationship can help heal wounds and stave off future problems. The simple fact is that sex feels good and it makes people happy. Happy people are more receptive people which is exactly what you need to work through problems.

Denying the physical portion of a marriage is doing nothing more than throwing up a barrier. It is creating a problem where none exists which only exacerbates the existing problem. It is punishing both parties involved because we are not going to pretend that both parties in a marriage do not equally enjoy the physical aspect of it. Think logically for a moment and ask yourself if it makes sense to punish each other for having a problem by creating another problem? Simply cutting of physical intimacy does not solve the old problem nor does it replace it. All it serves to do is temporarily shift the focus from one issue to another. Eventually this will build to the point where yet another issue will have to be created to again shift focus in a vicious never ending circle of denial and avoidance.

While I cannot cite any scientific studies on how stopping intimacy is bad for a marriage, I don’t need to. I can tell you from experience it is a horrendous tactic when it comes to conflict resolution. It’s not just true because of the above mentioned reasons, but because the physical portion of a relationship carries with it a certain intangible power that for lack of a better word or phrase just makes things work. Every portion of a relationship comes into play when being intimate with your spouse.

Simply put physical intimacy with one’s spouse is necessary for a healthy well rounded relationship. It is not a panacea for all the ills you will encounter, but it can be a part of the solution. Using it as a weapon or punishment via withholding it is to take away all the innate good it can do. Of course you don’t have to take my word for it, but if you would like to avoid some potentially nasty issues that are unnecessary, don’t make the mistake of trying to end physical intimacy as a means of dealing with unrelated issues.

The things women wish men knew stretches well beyond the magic number of ten, and the same could be said in reverse in all fairness. There really is no universal set of answers all women are likely to agree with on this topic, but there certainly are ten things it is safe to say most women wish men knew. In no particular order as each reason can easily swing up or down the list depending on a persons mood that day or the man in question, the top ten things women wish men knew are presented for your consideration, debate, and amusement. Why not have a little fun while making a point?

10. Women wish men knew we had a brain that processes information beyond cooking, cleaning, and finding creative ways to stretch their mans credit limit. The fact is women think about the same things men do, just from a slightly different angle in most cases. If men knew this imagine how much easier communication would be?

9. Staying with communication, women really like it when you look them in the eye when having a conversation. In case a guy isn’t aware of how to do that, just tilt your head slightly up so you are no longer staring at her chest. You are not Superman, and those x-ray specs you got from Bazooka Joe wrappers are not going to work any better now than they did when you were a kid.

8. Women are not turned on by really bad pick up lines. Telling a woman her dress would look great on your bedroom floor is not going to make that happen. If you really want to meet a woman, just introducing yourself works far better and is more likely to save you from seeing what she learned in her crotch punching class the previous week.

7. Unless you are the father of her children, or one of her children for that matter, women really don’t want you call them mommy, momma, mom, or any derivative of that moniker. A few may, but for the most part that isn’t going to fly. It’s just a bit on the creepy side and creates too many disturbing mental images.

6. Real women are not like the ones portrayed in men’s magazines. You will not find a real woman in the middle of a field straddling the hood of a car in camouflage lingerie for no apparent reason. In fact it is likely she will never have any reason to do this. That is something which is your fantasy, not likely hers, so don don’t expect it to ever really happen no matter how many years you make it your birthday wish when blowing out the candles.

5. Women want men to know that it is considered justifiable homicide if you try to compare the pain felt stubbing your toe to the pain they felt carrying and delivering children. Women realize that stubbed toe, jammed finger, or paper cut may really hurt, but when it comes to comparing it to child birth, just don’t go there. No jury will convict her when the case goes to trial.

4. Women for the most part are not going to consider getting something like a vacuum cleaner a desired or acceptable anniversary or birthday gift. That is unless of course it comes with a new house to use it in, or perhaps even a room in the house that was renovated just for their own personal sanctuary. Women want you to know when it comes to gifts, we’d rather get something with some meaning that lets us know you were really thinking about us. Please don’t use the line of thinking which starts with “I knew your car needed an oil change…” and ends with “here’s 4 quarts of top grade Penzoil!” That is not the type of thought that is going to work well.

3. Women want you to know that sometimes just offering to help out is better than actually helping out. If your lady takes care of the chores in the house and your domain is outside the house, it might be a good idea to not encroach on her space. Yes the laundry may be backed up, and she may be very busy, but if you aren’t too swift with that chore, don’t do it. Chances are you’ll make things worse. Just offer so she knows you are willing to help. In most cases she wants that far more than shrunken newly pink, formerly white underwear. You likely feel the same way.

2. Women want men to know being doted over is fine, in fact it is charming. Being stalked is flat out creepy. There are few things worse than a man that constantly hovers over a woman tracking her every move. It screams insecurity, lack of trust, and some serious needy behavior. None of those traits are attractive.

1. Finally women want me to know that we enjoy sex just as much as they do, but we’d like a little foreplay first. You warm the car before driving it in the winter, the oven is pre-heated before going into use, sex is like that in a way. If you try to crank it up cold you are not gong to get the best results. Also note, just saying “you look pretty”, or “Wanna do it?” does not count as foreplay.

There are so many more things women wished men knew about them, but sadly there is not enough room in cyberspace to list it all. Also there should be some mystery between the sexes anyway, it keeps things spicy. It is knowing what should and shouldn’t be a mystery that creates the confusion, the above ten points should not be a mystery. Some might even say they should be run on the bottom of the television screen during football games until they sink in.